The Importance of getting clap - of the hand kind.

A hand-clap juncture: That less than a second gap where a double hand-clap snugly fits and at the same time provides the kind of elation that the world is a warm, fuzzy beautiful place. The hand-clap juncture transcends borders, languages and age.
 
One important question in the world of popular music must be answered. What songs make the all time top 3 musical hand-clap junctures? 

Our criteria are the aforementioned (made up) definition and it must be an undeniable tune - classic or modern - but the quality should be there. Now, one may argue quality is in the ear of the beholder but... since we are sort of trying to theme an article here, in the meantime, we shall decide who makes the grade. The results are, in order of easiest to hardest:

Christina Milian – When You Look At Me. Rating: Easy. 

An underrated soundtrack for all Tinder users out there – they could be a crook or your lover – Milian saw it coming all along. Not as clear cut as Britney, this one is for the more experience clappee; it does however pretty much occur at the same bit in every chorus so it won’t be too hard to get involved. We’re saying 0.27, 1.15, 2.30, 3.19, 3.38 minutes.

Britney Spears – Stronger. Rating: Medium. (Changes dependent on performers dance efforts.) 

Aside from one of the top Britney dance routine efforts of all time AND routines involving a chair A BLOODY CHAIR; the 2000 release features the perfect accessory for any chair based dance: the hand-clap juncture. Here it approx 0.44, 1.28, 2.31, 2.49, 3.05 minutes. The last two she goes a bit mad for it though, so they aren’t as prominent. Added kudos here because Britters has added the actual sound of a clap, great for beginners. Stronger can also be filed under anthems for I just got dumped and I’ve had a couple of wines.

The Dandy Warhols – We Used To Be Friends. Rating: Hard. 

Coming of age TV show soundtrack favourites and all round Oregon hippies provide a gold medallist standard in clap junctures. You’ve really got to be on top form to get all these ones in, this isn’t some chorus love-in they’re shoving them in intros, verses like there’s a clap (of the hand sound kind) sale on. Plus, you can’t get lost in the vibes of the song, otherwise you’ll definitely miss one. Hear at 0.27, 0.36, 0.38, 0.41, 0.43, 2.07, 2.09, 2.12, 2.14, 2.35, 3.06, 3.09, 3.11, 3.13 minutes. 

Listen, learn, and impress your friends at parties. 

We knew we wanted it, right?!

In a fortnight filled with Robin Thicke commentary, we figured it was only fair to follow the crowd with our own two cents. Here it goes. The guy looks like the type to order bottle service in the club awaiting blow jobs from a pill popping bulimic, sings creepy songs and regularly grinds on stage with anaemic tween pop idols. But, didn't the same ahem, “haterz”, indulge in so-called “rape okay” anthem Blurred Lines? C’mon guys, Robin is a big creep but whoever claims to have attended a dance floor to stand still in protest of the “anti-fat-chick” vibes of Blurred Lines is a liar.*

Robin, not chilling with his wife.

Lack of sales is an easy shot but by the same token, people still make the statement ‘who sells anything these days anyway?.’ You can’t have it both ways. He’s a creep and you hate the music on the basis of overuse of live grinding or you dislike the music because it’s terrible. Stuff doesn't sell because it’s GOD FUCKING AWFUL, not because the guy is a creep. You've heard the one about Robin having a large whatever for you, yes? Go ahead and refresh your sexually explicit senses below... 

That^ featured on an album with sales of over 65,000.

Well, creep hunters, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse the anatomically gifted Thicke released an entire album based on the collapse of his marriage. Now, weird levels aside, this theme for the production of an entire album is always going to end in disaster. It’s just common sense. Can you imagine the diabolical sound produced if Ronnie Wood decided to roll out Jo: Sorry I slept with that waitress, The Album? It’s all relative. Release date, artist or video treatments have nothing to do with it – insulting the fans which Pharrell Williams tirelessly provided his leftovers to produce for you however - does. Win those fans back Mr.Thicke, and they’ll soon forget the overzealous ass grabbing followed by inter-flora deliveries to your estranged wife.

Here’s a collection of our favourite discussions elsewhere on what shall now be creatively deemed “Robin Thicke-Gate part 99,999”

CLICK THIS FOR #1

CLICK THIS FOR #2

CLICK THIS FOR #3 

*Yes, generalisation. You’re so smart!

It's Friday I'm in Love. Not Saturday though, Saturday can dance off a cliff.

Breakfast radio today marked the, em, comeback of permanently upsey-downsey girls - The Saturdays. We only felt it right that a post was written discussing exactly how we feel about this entire fucking monstrosity of a situation. Let’s work our way backwards from today; WHAT IS THIS?!* And why is it compiled of Pitbull and Enrique Iglesias leftovers? Did Mr.Worldwide deliver them to Xenomania HQ himself, or is it a practical joke played by Xenomania on the band? “Here you go Rochelle, good luck with Mr.Just Love Safe but you’ll never be Nadine Coyle.”

Credit here to http://www.patscullion.co.uk/blog/2013/04/24/just-love-safe/

2012-14 has been the weirdest PR campaign ever in terms of release, style and news from The Saturdays camp. For some obscure reason they or their management seem to think that fans or whomever else is out there aren’t just easily swayed but have no awareness of sound or vision at all. It’s insulting (insert Disco Love here). People complain about the character trait creations in girl bands but there’s a reason it exists – it bloody works. So why do this lot keep trying to run away from it? Is what management is working with so dense that they don’t even have enough to mould five clear personalities? You've got to have the tunes and the presentation – and usually if one fails the other picks up the slack - otherwise the entire thing falls flat. Here’s betting if you asked a poll of 100 women aged 18-25 they’d be able to name at least five Girls Aloud singles and five promotional aspects any member of the band were involved in – remember when Nicola told us all to stop being tanned? WHEN HAS UNA SATS EVER DONE THAT? HMM?

We get the whole ‘don’t compare bands’ thing but since The Sats are giving us little to work with; comparison is fast becoming the only option on the road to splitsvile. Unless, of course, they plan on producing an entire album of All Fired Up goodness. The past 6 singles tell us otherwise (with the exception of Not Giving Up even then they need to lose the chorus). To make matters worse What are You Waiting For? is a lead single for the Greatest Hits package – is this actually a joke? Is Frankie going to reveal all following another tweet about crying and shoes? Maybe if they spent more time and money of good song writing and less on expensive and terrible video treatments; the result would be more Biology and less Ego.

*If you must, listen to minutes 2.14 to 2.28 only.

P.S If for some reason, you’re method acting for the part of a glazed over puppy. Give this a whirl for inspiration.

Where Love Lives...

Good Afternoon all current, past and future followers, blog readers and 'haterz'. We are feeling a bit soppy and would just like to pass on to you a massive thank you for all the support so far. We're just a little blog on a massive island, just the Pon de Replay in the world of Umbrella - GOING FOR A NO MAN IS AN ISLAND/RIHANNA FAN VIBE HERE.

Anyway, we are having a short blog post break for a few weeks but will still be here recommending artists, songs and general music banter. This will mainly take place on sites where its possible to be hopelessly ironic in 140 characters or less. So HERE and HERE basically.

Please listen to this pop pick as our thank you for your ongoing support and of course the sweet,sweet music you create for us to write about and make "hilarious" witty quips with. 

BEAUTIFUL ISN'T IT?! 

Live and Exclusive!

You may remember a short while ago we posted about excellent Edinburgh outfit The Last September? Well since then, we have been in contact and like to think we sort of made 'pals' with them. Anyway, their singer Peter Deane has generously donated some of his time to record the first Feed the Fish 'live lounge' if you will. An acoustic version of Milk; get your gorgeous lugs round this!

You can also hear the original version HERE. Handclaps all round!

Hear them lions roar

It is a ragingly awful day weather wise here in the ‘Burgh. Why not introduce your ears to some music to accompany your indoor dancing and head banging session? We presume this sort of thing happens when Edinburgh goes climate change mad. So move the sofa to the side, slam this on and dance and pout like a cross between Mick Jaggar and a Pussycat Doll. Introducing the musically stimulating: The Gold Lions.

As you can see there are two of them and they make the sounds currently hitting your eardrums- Handclaps and gold stars for that feat first of all. They sort of sound like what Jack White would be doing more of if he could stay in the same fucking band for more than two minutes crossed with the Rolling Stones. If, for some obscure reason you dislike either of the parties featured in this descriptive artist mash-up may we suggest that you:

 A) Calm down and get a grip it was just an innocent aural explanation OR

 B) Choose one artist who plays guitar and sings from the past decade (not John Mayer though for obvious reasons) (He's a dick) and mix it with a late 60s early 70s rock/blues band.

After doing either of these options you are more than likely to end up with a ‘sounds like’ story all of your own for The Gold Lions. Congratulations reader!(s)! Those who love an acoustic number will not be made to feel left out with these boys. Here’s a version of a wee song called Silver Screen featuring a marathon whistling sesh:

Imagine all ‘Yoofs in Hoodys’ were replaced by that sort of entertainment in the dark places they like to reside such as tunnels and alleyways? A potentially new Scottish investment for THIS GUY maybe?

There isn’t a massive amount to go on biography wise with Gold Lions but for the sake of listening to some good tunes and maybe even purchasing them – do you really need it? Unless you make musical purchase decisions based purely on how many covers of Heat magazine the artist has made we are sure you will be fine with this one. If you do want to purchase their tunes you can do so HERE and if you want more than the tight fisted 30second iTunes clip to go on you can peruse HERE. They are also well up for the whole social networking thing and regularly update Twitter; for all out there who are just too busy living their bloody lives to read more than 140 characters of information at a time. 

Its Alive , Its Risen!!

The Rising Souls are our new favourite version of a Maroon 5/John Mayer lovechild. If, indeed, a lovechild made up of those two acts musical DNA was a thing of course. Have a quick listen for yourself and see if you agree with us – you will of course agree with us, because it is a correct observation. We can only hope that their singer is not as much of a complete arse-wipe as Mayer is. 

The video shoot for an Under the Bridge cover was going well. 

One small issue is the ‘The’ in the name, will it be dropped? Will it be kept? What will the future hold for Twitter style debates over whether you’re a “real” fan for calling them just #Souls or #RisingSouls?! Just something to mull over...  

A four piece set-up, The Rising Souls have been around on the internet and the Scottish gigging scene since around 2010, but it was their recent collaboration with Sound Cafe Records which has seen them hone their sound to something a little more sleek; heard here. This is all good, however we just hope they don’t become all tied to what the label thinks will sell/we are never writing or performing catchy pop hooks again, ever. 'Cause we all know how THAT ends don’t we? 

With the current sunny weather streak Edinburgh appears to be having, this band are a perfect BBQ playlist choice; we recommend them for the 5-7pm IPod slot. If, however you have an urge to actually see them play live, then of course we have a suggestion for that too. Their album launch takes place at artist favourite launch style venue The Caves on April 6^th – details HERE. 

So, just to clarify if you enjoy the sounds of Maroon 5/John Mayer/Chris Cornell in a sort of well put together musical mash-up then there is a good chance you will like The Rising Souls. If you like the idea of seeing this mash-up in a live situation there is also a good chance you will like paying money out of your wallet/purse/billfold to watch them make a jolly good bash at doing such an activity. We are also presuming that you will be able to purchase a PHYSICAL copy of the album at said launch. It might look like THIS or even THIS for the “old skool” music fan in your life.