Breakfast
radio today marked the, em, comeback of permanently upsey-downsey girls - The
Saturdays. We only felt it right that a post was written discussing exactly how
we feel about this entire fucking monstrosity of a situation. Let’s work our
way backwards from today; WHAT IS THIS?!* And why is it compiled of Pitbull and
Enrique Iglesias leftovers? Did Mr.Worldwide deliver them to Xenomania HQ
himself, or is it a practical joke played by Xenomania on the band? “Here you
go Rochelle, good luck with Mr.Just Love Safe but you’ll never be Nadine Coyle.”
 |
| Credit here to http://www.patscullion.co.uk/blog/2013/04/24/just-love-safe/ |
2012-14
has been the weirdest PR campaign ever in terms of release, style and news from
The Saturdays camp. For some obscure reason they or their management seem to
think that fans or whomever else is out there aren’t just easily swayed but have
no awareness of sound or vision at all. It’s insulting (insert Disco Love here). People complain about the character trait creations in girl bands but
there’s a reason it exists – it bloody works. So why do this lot keep trying to
run away from it? Is what management is working with so dense that they don’t
even have enough to mould five clear personalities? You've got to have the tunes and the
presentation – and usually if one fails the other picks up the slack -
otherwise the entire thing falls flat. Here’s betting if you asked a poll of
100 women aged 18-25 they’d be able to name at least five Girls Aloud singles
and five promotional aspects any member of the band were involved in – remember when Nicola told us all to stop being tanned? WHEN HAS UNA SATS EVER DONE THAT? HMM?
We
get the whole ‘don’t compare bands’ thing but since The Sats are giving us
little to work with; comparison is fast becoming the only option on the road to
splitsvile. Unless, of course, they plan on producing an entire album of All
Fired Up goodness. The past 6 singles tell us otherwise (with the exception of Not Giving Up even then they need to lose the chorus). To make matters worse What are You Waiting For? is a lead single for the Greatest Hits package – is this actually a joke? Is
Frankie going to reveal all following another tweet about crying and shoes? Maybe if they
spent more time and money of good song writing and less on expensive and terrible video
treatments; the result would be more Biology and less Ego.
*If
you must, listen to minutes 2.14 to 2.28 only.
P.S If
for some reason, you’re method acting for the part of a glazed over puppy. Give
this a whirl for inspiration.
