The Importance of getting clap - of the hand kind.

A hand-clap juncture: That less than a second gap where a double hand-clap snugly fits and at the same time provides the kind of elation that the world is a warm, fuzzy beautiful place. The hand-clap juncture transcends borders, languages and age.
 
One important question in the world of popular music must be answered. What songs make the all time top 3 musical hand-clap junctures? 

Our criteria are the aforementioned (made up) definition and it must be an undeniable tune - classic or modern - but the quality should be there. Now, one may argue quality is in the ear of the beholder but... since we are sort of trying to theme an article here, in the meantime, we shall decide who makes the grade. The results are, in order of easiest to hardest:

Christina Milian – When You Look At Me. Rating: Easy. 

An underrated soundtrack for all Tinder users out there – they could be a crook or your lover – Milian saw it coming all along. Not as clear cut as Britney, this one is for the more experience clappee; it does however pretty much occur at the same bit in every chorus so it won’t be too hard to get involved. We’re saying 0.27, 1.15, 2.30, 3.19, 3.38 minutes.

Britney Spears – Stronger. Rating: Medium. (Changes dependent on performers dance efforts.) 

Aside from one of the top Britney dance routine efforts of all time AND routines involving a chair A BLOODY CHAIR; the 2000 release features the perfect accessory for any chair based dance: the hand-clap juncture. Here it approx 0.44, 1.28, 2.31, 2.49, 3.05 minutes. The last two she goes a bit mad for it though, so they aren’t as prominent. Added kudos here because Britters has added the actual sound of a clap, great for beginners. Stronger can also be filed under anthems for I just got dumped and I’ve had a couple of wines.

The Dandy Warhols – We Used To Be Friends. Rating: Hard. 

Coming of age TV show soundtrack favourites and all round Oregon hippies provide a gold medallist standard in clap junctures. You’ve really got to be on top form to get all these ones in, this isn’t some chorus love-in they’re shoving them in intros, verses like there’s a clap (of the hand sound kind) sale on. Plus, you can’t get lost in the vibes of the song, otherwise you’ll definitely miss one. Hear at 0.27, 0.36, 0.38, 0.41, 0.43, 2.07, 2.09, 2.12, 2.14, 2.35, 3.06, 3.09, 3.11, 3.13 minutes. 

Listen, learn, and impress your friends at parties. 

We knew we wanted it, right?!

In a fortnight filled with Robin Thicke commentary, we figured it was only fair to follow the crowd with our own two cents. Here it goes. The guy looks like the type to order bottle service in the club awaiting blow jobs from a pill popping bulimic, sings creepy songs and regularly grinds on stage with anaemic tween pop idols. But, didn't the same ahem, “haterz”, indulge in so-called “rape okay” anthem Blurred Lines? C’mon guys, Robin is a big creep but whoever claims to have attended a dance floor to stand still in protest of the “anti-fat-chick” vibes of Blurred Lines is a liar.*

Robin, not chilling with his wife.

Lack of sales is an easy shot but by the same token, people still make the statement ‘who sells anything these days anyway?.’ You can’t have it both ways. He’s a creep and you hate the music on the basis of overuse of live grinding or you dislike the music because it’s terrible. Stuff doesn't sell because it’s GOD FUCKING AWFUL, not because the guy is a creep. You've heard the one about Robin having a large whatever for you, yes? Go ahead and refresh your sexually explicit senses below... 

That^ featured on an album with sales of over 65,000.

Well, creep hunters, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse the anatomically gifted Thicke released an entire album based on the collapse of his marriage. Now, weird levels aside, this theme for the production of an entire album is always going to end in disaster. It’s just common sense. Can you imagine the diabolical sound produced if Ronnie Wood decided to roll out Jo: Sorry I slept with that waitress, The Album? It’s all relative. Release date, artist or video treatments have nothing to do with it – insulting the fans which Pharrell Williams tirelessly provided his leftovers to produce for you however - does. Win those fans back Mr.Thicke, and they’ll soon forget the overzealous ass grabbing followed by inter-flora deliveries to your estranged wife.

Here’s a collection of our favourite discussions elsewhere on what shall now be creatively deemed “Robin Thicke-Gate part 99,999”

CLICK THIS FOR #1

CLICK THIS FOR #2

CLICK THIS FOR #3 

*Yes, generalisation. You’re so smart!

It's Friday I'm in Love. Not Saturday though, Saturday can dance off a cliff.

Breakfast radio today marked the, em, comeback of permanently upsey-downsey girls - The Saturdays. We only felt it right that a post was written discussing exactly how we feel about this entire fucking monstrosity of a situation. Let’s work our way backwards from today; WHAT IS THIS?!* And why is it compiled of Pitbull and Enrique Iglesias leftovers? Did Mr.Worldwide deliver them to Xenomania HQ himself, or is it a practical joke played by Xenomania on the band? “Here you go Rochelle, good luck with Mr.Just Love Safe but you’ll never be Nadine Coyle.”

Credit here to http://www.patscullion.co.uk/blog/2013/04/24/just-love-safe/

2012-14 has been the weirdest PR campaign ever in terms of release, style and news from The Saturdays camp. For some obscure reason they or their management seem to think that fans or whomever else is out there aren’t just easily swayed but have no awareness of sound or vision at all. It’s insulting (insert Disco Love here). People complain about the character trait creations in girl bands but there’s a reason it exists – it bloody works. So why do this lot keep trying to run away from it? Is what management is working with so dense that they don’t even have enough to mould five clear personalities? You've got to have the tunes and the presentation – and usually if one fails the other picks up the slack - otherwise the entire thing falls flat. Here’s betting if you asked a poll of 100 women aged 18-25 they’d be able to name at least five Girls Aloud singles and five promotional aspects any member of the band were involved in – remember when Nicola told us all to stop being tanned? WHEN HAS UNA SATS EVER DONE THAT? HMM?

We get the whole ‘don’t compare bands’ thing but since The Sats are giving us little to work with; comparison is fast becoming the only option on the road to splitsvile. Unless, of course, they plan on producing an entire album of All Fired Up goodness. The past 6 singles tell us otherwise (with the exception of Not Giving Up even then they need to lose the chorus). To make matters worse What are You Waiting For? is a lead single for the Greatest Hits package – is this actually a joke? Is Frankie going to reveal all following another tweet about crying and shoes? Maybe if they spent more time and money of good song writing and less on expensive and terrible video treatments; the result would be more Biology and less Ego.

*If you must, listen to minutes 2.14 to 2.28 only.

P.S If for some reason, you’re method acting for the part of a glazed over puppy. Give this a whirl for inspiration.